1. There are no such things as tampons in Africa.
Therefore be sure to pack a years supply when traveling. I made the mistake of disregarding this fact and learnt the hard way. Cheap pads are not fun and make a crunching noise when you walk on a hot day. On a cold day too for that matter.
2. No taxi's are road worthy. Therefore do not be alarmed when the boot (which has been cable tied shut) flies open mid-journey and all your belongings disappear
3. Apparently road rules do not apply to anyone with a wheel. I say "a wheel" because we did spot a very drunk looking man on a unicycle who looked to be in no state to be operating a wheel on the road
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4. Goats and chickens also pay to ride the bus
It is completely normal to sit next to a goat on the bus. Don't be alarmed though, he's not there to snack on your pants, he's really just minding his own business and concentrating on getting from A to B. They also ride on the back of bicycles apprently. That was a strange sight indeed!!however, Chickens tend to "rule the roost" on most public forms of transport and you'll more often than not find yourself sitting next to a well groomed chicken as opposed to a human being. Or goat.
4. Goats and chickens also pay to ride the bus
It is completely normal to sit next to a goat on the bus. Don't be alarmed though, he's not there to snack on your pants, he's really just minding his own business and concentrating on getting from A to B. They also ride on the back of bicycles apprently. That was a strange sight indeed!!however, Chickens tend to "rule the roost" on most public forms of transport and you'll more often than not find yourself sitting next to a well groomed chicken as opposed to a human being. Or goat.
5. Cover up in the rural areas. Now this is where I find african customs ironic. Its perfectly fine to have your titties hanging out and about but flash some boys an ankle and you're that "harlot" running around the town giving all the boys ankle dances. So, keep the legs covered.
6. Men dont eat with women. Sexism is pretty rife in Africa, the women slave over the meal for the entire day and then they have to sit on the floor in another room while the men enjoy their meal sitting on very comfortable couches with a painting of jesus hanging up behind them.
7. Wear closed shoes. I didn't, I thought I'd be carefree and wear flip flops for my entire trip. At one point I stubbed my toe very viciously on a stick. Months later I was inspecting my feet like an ape and found the little devil lodged underneath my toenail. Nice. Rather avoid the scenario altogether and wear takkies and jeans like an american.
8. Keep it clean, sweep your dirt. Africans have an innate sense of pride in appearance. They even sweep their front yard which is made up solely of dirt. I don't know where they put the "dirt" which they sweep, but they make it look very clean. Be sure to keep your area clean too, apparently an unswept front yard is about as offensive as exposing yourself to the elderly.
9.Don't drink the beer that comes in a milk box. I believe its called "Chibuku". It's not right for beer to come in a box. That is all.
10. Be sure to take playing cards. You'll need them for a rainy day because there is no electricity.
11. Bus tickets are cheap for a reason. It costs approximately R40 for an 8 hour bus trip, because the buses are crap and guaranteed to break down. They can actually afford to make them so cheap because they manage to cram 200 people, 10 goats and about 30 chickens all onto one 60 seater bus. It's especially pleasant when the baby sitting squashed next to you gets carsick and regurgitates his mother's breast milk onto your lap.
12. Apparently filling up with petrol is irrelevant on a 10 hour bus ride
13. Barter! barter! barter!! Street vendors spot a white person and automatically triple everything to "mzungu prices". Try not to get ripped off, you know the value of things and sometimes it is better value for money if you barter the shirt off of your own back rather than pay a cent for that woven straw hat.
14. Yes, you can bath in the lake. It is not unusual to get your kit off and whip your hair back and forth in the lake whilst singing the latest hit and massaging sunsilk into your hair like you're in an exotic advert.
15. Don't buy those tasty looking critters on the kebabs. A) they are not cooked all the way through and B) they are rats. Vermin. Something that should not be put on a stick and roasted on an open fire and then put in your mouth.
16. When tired, catch a lift on a bike with no gears. It costs about R3.50 for a trip and you get to sit on the back of a bike while the poor man in front gets to pedal away up all the crazy hills with no gears.
17. It's normal for prisoners to get "day passes" where they leave the prison for the day and walk around the town peddling their wares. They just have to be back by bedtime. Good news that is, I'm sure the murderers and rapists will take those rules very seriously. That's not unsettling at all.
18. "Don't smoke the weed in the North, it'll make you go crazy", this is the best advice I received on my trip, coming from a Doctor on the plane ride next to us who had disproportionately large hands and brought up the subject of smoking weed when I made absolutely no reference to it whatsoever....
I nearly pee'd my pants!
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