The irrelevance of celebrity fragrances

There is honestly nothing more useless than a celebrity fragrance. How these 'slebs manage to come up with the most ridiculous names for their fragrances I will never know.

•  Britney Spears has "Fantasy" and "Curious" which "represents the young woman who pushes boundaries and revels in adventure". Yes, I suppose Britney Spears is in fact a curious specimen, and very adventurous too, particularly with her lifestyle and hairstyle choices. 

That's pretty curious if you ask me...

• "True Star" by Beyonce sounds like an obscure petrol station that you only ever see in the furthest corner of the Earth, whose logo looks suspiciously like an Australian flag. Like some kind of station you find up in Mount Frere in the Eastern Cape that doesn't actually sell petrol, only an Americanised version called "gas".

• Sean John's scent is called "Unforgivable" and he personally selected the "combination of breathtaking, addictive and slightly dangerous essences". What do you suppose "dangerous essences" are? Diluted cyanide? Hydrochloric acid? Sounds great. I cant wait to spritz that on my skin.

• Justin Bieber's "Someday" makes me want to punch something in the balls. Someday what,Justin? Someday your voice will break? Someday you will be a man? Someday you'll get to wipe your own bum? Someday...He also has a new fragrance called "Girlfriend". I fail to belive that there is a more sexually confused teenager out there publicly going through puberty. Shame shame shame.



Poor kid. He doesn't have a clue what's going on.



• Antonio Banderas honestly has about 8 fragrances. Of which atleast 4 contain the word "seduction". "Blue Seduction" and "Seduction in black" to name but a few. Just how many colours of seduction could there be? I thought there was only one kind, but apparently if you are Spanish and slimy, you get the opportunity to seduce in every form and colour. I wonder if any of those fragrances contain a little chloroform to make the "seduction" that much easier...He also has a fragrance called "The Secret". What's the big secret Antonio? Will we find out in your next mysterious fragrance? Are all of his fragrances a set of sick clues leading us to a spot where women have been stolen and turned into guinea pigs for his perfumes? Testing the rate of successful "seduction"? I don't think I like that. Or him for that matter.

• My personal favourite though is Mariah Carey. Oh Mariah... When you think of any fragrance "created" by Mariah Carey, I'm sure all of you immediately think of a women prancing around a garden made of bubbles and rainbows in a pink bikini, and some sickly aroma floating around that is actually pink in colour. You can actually see the sickly pinkness of this fragrance. Well, if you thought this then you are 100% correct. Obviously. My favourite of her range is "Lollipop Bling". It really just ties up her persona does it not? It is described as "A playful and radiant fragrance combination of gourmet jelly beans and golden peony creates a flirty, fun experience". How old are you Mariah? Are you even allowed to sell perfume to confused little girls?  And just what the hell is "golden peony"? It sounds like polony. And if there is polony of any kind in that bottle she is hitting an entirely different target market to what I am sure she was aiming for... 



Next time someone should tell her to leave her toys at home.