He's informed me that they are nothing to be alarmed about, but he was wondering, if he got the opportunity, would he be able to pursue them in the hope of landing a conquest that involved a night filled with passion and infinite talk of football? And would I consider it cheating? Then he laughed and said he was joking. Which I'm sure he wasn't. I think not.
Apparently man crushes are fairly common. I mean I guess I have a girl crush? I'd probably marry Shakira and her honest hips, given half the chance. Who wouldn't? I also imagine seducing her in a dance off and then her hugging me erotically and congratulating me when I beat her. But that's where my fantasy ends. When my dreams are destroyed because my celebrity girl crush wants nothing to do with me or my seductive dance routine. Too bad so sad. Life must go on.
Wouldn't you?Although I have allowed myself one celebrity girl crush,
Kyle's celebrity man crush list seems to go on forever and consists of several untouchable members of the Arsenal football squad. He's claimed he would give himself to those guys in a way that you've only ever read about in the health clinic. I'd love to see that though. He would probably be so nervous and choked up he'd pee his pants and cry. And then his man crush would not want to be his friend. I can't say I'm not jealous though, he looks at Oxlaide Chamberlain, Jack Wilshere and Theo Walcott in ways he has never looked at me. Not to mention the fact that he carries around an ID photo of Cesc Fabregas (which he so lovingly cut and mounted so neatly) in his wallet. Are we worried?
MY COMPETITION:
A single man crush does not bother me, nor does a couple of harmless celebrity crushes. (Who is he kidding, Theo will never invite him back to his lush apartment to continue their conversation on the humidity in his left sock.) However, I don't really understand the concept of man crushes on non-celebrities. Like commoners. Like
people you actually know.
For example, I have noticed the "bro luv" between Kyle and one of his best friends, Steve. They practically look at each other with heart shaped eyes and Kyle ignores me when they are together. They tell each other how spiffy they look and they drink out of the same beer glass. Its wierd..
Kyle's also started stealing the love of my best man friend, Tony. With Kyle's strong jaw line and love for football and beer, it was like man-love at first sight for Tony. He doesn't come over to visit me anymore, he comes over to visit Kyle. Breaks my heart really.
Is my Boyfriend stealing my boyfriends? Or are my boyfriends stealing my Boyfriend? How puzzling.
My advice: if you start seeing heart shaped eyes between your significant other and a friend of yours who is of the same sex, kill the relationship. Or perhaps even one of them, if you must be so drastic. But make the sacrifice of losing one of them so you can keep your favourite one before they are gone forever. Do whatever you have to before it gets too late. Nothing is too extreme. I'm talking hiring the crew from "Cheaters", taking a baseball bat to their windshield to frame a crime of passion, or hiding fake photographs or letters in and around their belongings to frame them of cheating on one another. Its a small sacrifice to make. Do anything to stop the man-love before it gets out of hand and they start carrying around pictures of each other in their wallets instead of pictures of you.
I'm not bothered about it, I'm just saying.
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